thankful

November 2004. Unfortunately it was not just a frightening dream. The experience was real. The first week spent slipping into a personal hell that at the time I had no language to express. Another week in a hospital just trying to fight my way back to the surface. Prescriptions and a vague diagnosis. And Thanksgiving spent driving endless hours to Colorado to move my brother. While I was relieved to be with family, that drive was a constant reminder that I had just failed. I didn't have control. My thoughts were spinning and my hope was fading.

Thanksgiving dinner was spent at Burger King. My parents were worried about my mental status. My parents worried about my brother moving to another state. I was worried about everything. And wanted to crawl in a whole and slip away.

Yet that was my crisis point. The point in my story that led to a choice of how. How would my story would evolve and how would my character change.

November 2009. A dream I wouldn't have imagined but nonetheless magical. This Thanksgiving I look back and see what the results of what I had wanted to be a mere nightmare. What joy I have in my heart to reflect on who I am now because of that crisis point. Not perfect. But good.

Instead of a quiet fast food dinner in the middle of nowhere, I enjoyed two meals Thursday full of laughter and discussions. And a much more enjoyable road trip to Southern California (minus the holiday traffic back to the Bay Area).

One meal shared with family. Which through my own crisis point and other family challenges, the family bonds are strong (and bigger with a sister-in-law). Another with friends--the majority of them very new.

This weekend is another slice-of-life scene. Evidence that my crisis was worth the pain. It brought compassion, openness, and a genuine spirit. It brought in amazing new people who have changed my life for good. It spurred me on a become a person I am proud of and enjoy to be around (and confidence that others also enjoy who I am).

So this year, I am thankful for how my story has changed. The character that I have become. And I dream of what other Thanksgiving's may bring.