Half Dome #20

This past weekend I completed #20--hiking HALF DOME--on my 40 before 40 list. I'm still processing how amazing this was but here are some thoughts on this goal...

--it was harder and eaiser than I imagined. Certainly all the personal training particularly in the last two months really helped both physically and mentall prepare me for this.
--20 miles in 9 hours (last time my dad did it, he took 12 hours). I can't believe I kept up with my brother for a good portion of it. I slowed him down a bit but was fit enough that I wasn't too far behind for most of the hike.
--it was great to spend that time with my brother. My dad went as well but wasn't in as good of shape so we took off in about mile 3 or 4. During the trip, I was still amazed to see how much my little brother has grown up. And there were moments that sometimes I felt like the younger sibling--between his fast pace and more daring attitude, I pushed myself harder than I would have.
--Mentally I had to stop thinking sometimes of what I was about to do, or stop thinking so hard when I was doing something and just do it. So when i really think about the hike, I am pretty excited about what I did...and learning to just admit how proud I am that I was able to accomplish this!


So the list revisited...hopefully a few more down this year and some that I still think maybe more challenging to complete in 10 years due to finances and time...we'll see.
40 before 40 list...with a few comments
I posted this on facebook earlier but this is a good place to repots this. so this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years...some may not happen, hopefully i'll i'm surpass. some of them are dependednt on other goals...we'll see what happens.

1 Lose weight to goal weight and maintain--20 lbs to go (lost 45 so far!!) and this has been an amazing journey! it helps me do a lot of things on my list and I feel amazing!

2 Go hang gliding (I want to fly)

3 read crime and punishment--I think i'll start reading this book next!!

4 swim with sharks

5 go to alaska

6 read paradise lost

7 pay off school debt

8 run a 10k and/or 1/2 marathon--up to 4 miles on the treadmill 2-3 days per week. HOpefully by the end of the year I'll do at least a 5 k and possibly a 10 k. I have really learned to LOVE running!

9 go on a cruise


11 visit all 30 nhl arenas

12 learn to swim laps

13 ride in a helicopter (again...flying)

14 go snowshoeing (did in Feb in Colorado...amazing and hopefully can do this every year)

15 learn to play hockey...I bought my first pair of skates last week, will learn to skate this summer and hopefully can take a begining class this fall!!!

16 start a roth IRA

17 see the grand canyon

18 go on a weekend trip to catalina

19 sit on the glass at a sharks game

20 hike half dome. Completed on 6/7/08!!!

21 go white water rafting...hopefully this summer

22 take a photography class/seminar (another creative outlet...i'm not good but it would good to continue improving...something fun)

23 buy the "perfect" reading chair--did with tax return. I love this chair!

24 go on a backpacking trip

25 plant a tree (take care of creation)

26 go a a wine tour (train) in Napa

27 take a cooking class

28 go to hawaii

29 try scuba diving (would conquer a fear of water i have...if my ears can take the pressure)

30 go on a road trip with no particular destination

31 go on a silent weekend retreat

32 go see the bears in alaska and/or canada

33 see the aurora borealis (northern lights)

34 learn how to shoot a gun

35 go to savannah georgia

36 learn how to do chin ups

37 go kayaking...this summer. anyone else want to join me on this??

38 start an small aquarium

39 visit the new england in the fall

40 read war and peace

repairs

There's a large chunk of the sound wall on highway 87 that's just hanging from the top. I am not sure how long it has been there but it always seems longer than it should. A tree had fallen down cracking a section off the top of the wall, hanging on, threatening to break off into the dirt below. The offending tree was removed some time ago but no repairs have been made thus far. Often my eyes don't recognize the gap. But now more than ever,this hole catches my attention and leaves me thinking about it for the rest of my short commute to work. Still functional, the wall remains standing and likely does the job it was designed to. It's just an ordinary sound barrier between the freeway and surrounding neighborhoods. But for some reason it frustrates me that it could be ignored for so long.

My thought turns to an old friendship that left a similar hole in my heart. It's been there far longer than I would like to admit. I still function in life. I have great relationships with my family and amazing friends. In so many ways the hurt, rejection, anger and sadness can be ignored day to day. But more and more I am seeing this part of me that threatens further intamcy with others. The distrust it caused. Just below the surface. I am starting to see the effects of how it jeapordizes deeper relationships with those already in my life and those yet to come.

Why has that hole remained on the sound barrier for so long?
Why do I hold on to this disappointment for so many years?

Recent conversations brought more attention to the effects this gap has left. It is now evident that my feelings must be addressed. Healing has to come. There will always be scars. Lessons that can be learned and taken with me in other relationships. But I can't allow this failed friendship to threaten my emotional health any longer. Repair must come.

Last week, a man stood on a ladder assessing the damage on the sound wall. Debris from the tree still is piled up below. But this is an encouragement. That in the future there will be a fix to this gap. It is not being ignored. There will likely be marks. And the repair won't happen overnight. But it is a small tangible reminder as I drive to work that like the wall, a repair will happen. The marks will remind me of words said--or not said--and forgivness can occur. Forgetting is not easily done. And sometimes forgetting is not what will work. I think this time it has to remain a part of me, just not controlling me.

tension

Just something I came across in one of my journals today. It seemed to tie into something that was said in church today and decided to share. not so much poetry as just thoughts I wrote down while sitting in a conference. Always intresting to look back at past journal entries--see where i've been, where i'm at...maybe insight into where i'm going.



two worlds
i belong to one, live in another
I dream of one transforming the other
but live with the other corupting the dream

i cry at the difference i see

looking at what the dream is
is the sacrifice worth it? will there be a difference?
so many voices about those two worlds
voices that bleed together
the background noise can be overwhelming

where is the truth in the midst of all this grey
is there black and white
how far am i
how close
how do i reconcile this tension in my head, in my heart, my life, my soul