frac·tal. noun
Etymology: French fractale, from Latin fractus broken, uneven (past participle of frangere to break) + French -ale -al (noun suffix)
: any of various extremely irregular curves or shapes for which any suitably chosen part is similar in shape to a given larger or smaller part when magnified or reduced to the same size
A couple of months ago at a hearing aid training I learned about fractals. For the most part this is a visual concept. A lot of math! And most of the explanation goes far beyond what I care to comprehend. After all I like words, not numbers. Images of fractals can be found all over the internet and even in nature (snow flakes, crystals, river networks, broccoli, and systems of blood vessels) The Oh-so-favorite-Wikipedia has some good examples and information. But fractal technology is also now being applied to auditory stimuli for tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and stress relief. There is nothing like sitting in a Saturday seminar learning about a concept that seems far beyond something that should actually apply to my field...yet I found it fascinating (along with a paid hotel room, free continuing education, and a clue about all the new hearing aid technology that I'm relearning).
So for the past few months I have found myself being much more aware of fractals and even have my current iGoogle theme set for fractals. Recently I read The Shack (William P. Young) which used fractal patterns in a garden as metaphor of God working in our lives. Recalling the description, I believe the reference was to how beauty and patterns can be found in what looks like chaos to some. Looking at some of the fractal patterns I have come across recently, I have been in awe at the striking images that these geometric patterns can produce. And in thinking of the book's example, I have pondered how this fractal term might also apply more to the story we're all in--humanity--most specifically in the context of faith.
While some view the Bible as a collection of rules, do's and do not's, I have grown to love the story woven through this collection of history, poetry and letters. The big picture of a infinite being who loves very finite creatures who are ALWAYS screwing things up. And all the little stories of these individuals and communities who fail to keep their side of the deal, they are still sought out by God to reconcile their relationship. Stories I first experienced in pre-school on flannel story board became hard-to-follow rules as I got older. But I am experiencing the richness of stories again. Those that happened centuries ago in a very different backdrop.
I can see my story in it as well. My story of constantly screwing things up. My often cries from the deepest part of my soul to be saved. And that there is always a chance for redemption. A chance to be freed from oppression (even though it is often self-inflicted).
I see our American story with in the pages of the Hebrew story. Of a nation escaping oppression only in turn to screw it up. Pride took over and we learned how to oppress others. How communities with our country experienced oppression and captivity and have cried out for salvation. Such as a group of people who were brought here as slaves, freed with a war only to have to continue fighting even to this day for equality.
I see the Hebrew story played out in art, music and film and literature. It may be in an epic adventure like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy or just a piece of the story like watching Garden State. Sometimes the story is screams out to me in watching Shawshank Redemption or many of the superhero stories. But it also is echoed in much smaller stories or within a subplot of what I'm currently reading or watching or listening to. This year I was convinced to watch Battlestar Gallactica which has some incredible reflection of not only our current stories but again the Hebrew story--all of our human stories. I have begun to appreciate how Science Fiction is that magnification of the story set in an imagined time and place with the same good and bad within history and within where we are at this moment in time.
The stories of the Old and New Testaments have shaped my life for good or bad. They are just a much part of my own history as they are the history of Israel. As I keep rereading them I see new reflections of who I was, am and becoming. More and more I find myself thankful that not one of us is out of range of grace we are offered. So what will I choose to do with that grace? Will I accept it? Will I extend it to others? How many times will my pattern of life show oppression, cries for salvation, forgiveness, and outpouring of joy?
Until the day I die I think this will continue to be my story. As it continues to be all of our stories.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I wonder... (musings after another prop 8 forward)
What if we looked at people more instead of "issues"? What if building up other PEOPLE versus fighting for a cause were the priority? What if I looked at myself and accepted that I'm not perfect but also loved...and then saw that other people were also different yet still worthy of love?
I've kept pretty quiet with most people on my views on Prop 8. There are some I can openly discuss it with, others I have not bothered to discuss it with. I've deleted many emails from each side (although to be open, usually I've deleted or been irritated by more numerous emails preaching for a law that I believe shouldn't be a government issue in the first place). But it bothers me...And I've asked why I don't like to fight for my point of view. Part of it is my own journey in figuring out what church, culture, the Bible, others have to say about it. Certainly with friendships and family, I've changed some of my views I grew up believing. I don't always know if my views have changed for the "right" reasons. I don't have all the answers. And people on both sides of the argument will have plenty of reasons why I should make up my mind one way or another. But if anything, I want to see past the issue and see the person. This is not a discussion about my theology on the issue. This is a discussion and confession of how we (I) treat others. Why do people's differences become more than who they are?
Let's leave out whether you think a difference is a sin or not and just question ourselves (again myself too!) about why we let a detail, a personality difference, color of skin, disability, disagreement or other "differences" get in the way of valuing other individuals? And how does our need to fight for our opinion make us lose sight of what is important.
This weekend I sat at women's retreat crying as I heard so many women share about their heart...because despite the differences in circumstances the hurt was universal. And not just with women, I could see that humans are all hurting. We all want to be loved, valued and worth something. But we build walls to protect our worlds, make values and rules for ourselves that often cut off rather than build up community. Pretty soon our differences become something we hold against each other. Then that difference becomes an issue. And issue that we have to vote on. An issue that we've spent millions on to make a law or fight about. And on either side we've forgotten that this should always be a discussion about people. (Many people remember this, but there is still a large percentage that leave people out of the discussion and just talk about values or causes).
I wonder what we could accomplish if we could have used the money to help people--particularly in these times when we are in the midst of wars, financial crisis, world AIDS or poverty crisis--and those causes need to be thought of in terms of the people involved as well. Not fight on the issue. If we had spent all the time figuring out how to love others, care for them, see our brokenness in each person and "fight" for bringing people together. Okay, some are saying this sounds like crazy liberal talk. I can admit I tend to agree on some issues on a more liberal side. I'm also a Christian which brings in all kinds of assumptions from both the church and those outside of who I should be, how I should vote, what my beliefs are. But why should that cause people to shut off listening to who I am as a person and what I bring in to the conversation.
Both sides of this "issue" have missed the point. I've missed the point. The violence and hate that each side has cause (mostly by the extreme) had divided us. We point fingers and say "look what they did, look how they spread their message with hate, look how they're wrong, look how much better I am than them". What would it look like if we cared enough to peacefully have the discussion. To have a conversation that we can love people even when we don't agree. What if the church encouraged people to look at themselves first, both individually and collectively--honestly? What difference would it look like if those for Prop 8 spent more time first loving others for who they were then discussing their beliefs? what if those against prop 8 did the same? What if prop 8 didn't even have to be an issue because we were finding ways to invest our time in emails, arguments, money, time in seeing how we can be a community--sharing our meals, our time, our talents, investing in others. yes, I am more harsh with the church because we should know better. We should be setting the example of how to love others. The church should be following better examples, fighting for loving and caring for others.
I can already here in my head what others would say. The arguments could be endless. I can't change someones point of view and personally I have other things than one law I'd rather fight for. But when it comes down to it, I always want to be asking myself "what is more important?" At the end of my day, at the end of my life, I want others to know I loved them. Not that I had a certain point of view, fought for a cause or an issue. That I loved. And that I was loved.
I've kept pretty quiet with most people on my views on Prop 8. There are some I can openly discuss it with, others I have not bothered to discuss it with. I've deleted many emails from each side (although to be open, usually I've deleted or been irritated by more numerous emails preaching for a law that I believe shouldn't be a government issue in the first place). But it bothers me...And I've asked why I don't like to fight for my point of view. Part of it is my own journey in figuring out what church, culture, the Bible, others have to say about it. Certainly with friendships and family, I've changed some of my views I grew up believing. I don't always know if my views have changed for the "right" reasons. I don't have all the answers. And people on both sides of the argument will have plenty of reasons why I should make up my mind one way or another. But if anything, I want to see past the issue and see the person. This is not a discussion about my theology on the issue. This is a discussion and confession of how we (I) treat others. Why do people's differences become more than who they are?
Let's leave out whether you think a difference is a sin or not and just question ourselves (again myself too!) about why we let a detail, a personality difference, color of skin, disability, disagreement or other "differences" get in the way of valuing other individuals? And how does our need to fight for our opinion make us lose sight of what is important.
This weekend I sat at women's retreat crying as I heard so many women share about their heart...because despite the differences in circumstances the hurt was universal. And not just with women, I could see that humans are all hurting. We all want to be loved, valued and worth something. But we build walls to protect our worlds, make values and rules for ourselves that often cut off rather than build up community. Pretty soon our differences become something we hold against each other. Then that difference becomes an issue. And issue that we have to vote on. An issue that we've spent millions on to make a law or fight about. And on either side we've forgotten that this should always be a discussion about people. (Many people remember this, but there is still a large percentage that leave people out of the discussion and just talk about values or causes).
I wonder what we could accomplish if we could have used the money to help people--particularly in these times when we are in the midst of wars, financial crisis, world AIDS or poverty crisis--and those causes need to be thought of in terms of the people involved as well. Not fight on the issue. If we had spent all the time figuring out how to love others, care for them, see our brokenness in each person and "fight" for bringing people together. Okay, some are saying this sounds like crazy liberal talk. I can admit I tend to agree on some issues on a more liberal side. I'm also a Christian which brings in all kinds of assumptions from both the church and those outside of who I should be, how I should vote, what my beliefs are. But why should that cause people to shut off listening to who I am as a person and what I bring in to the conversation.
Both sides of this "issue" have missed the point. I've missed the point. The violence and hate that each side has cause (mostly by the extreme) had divided us. We point fingers and say "look what they did, look how they spread their message with hate, look how they're wrong, look how much better I am than them". What would it look like if we cared enough to peacefully have the discussion. To have a conversation that we can love people even when we don't agree. What if the church encouraged people to look at themselves first, both individually and collectively--honestly? What difference would it look like if those for Prop 8 spent more time first loving others for who they were then discussing their beliefs? what if those against prop 8 did the same? What if prop 8 didn't even have to be an issue because we were finding ways to invest our time in emails, arguments, money, time in seeing how we can be a community--sharing our meals, our time, our talents, investing in others. yes, I am more harsh with the church because we should know better. We should be setting the example of how to love others. The church should be following better examples, fighting for loving and caring for others.
I can already here in my head what others would say. The arguments could be endless. I can't change someones point of view and personally I have other things than one law I'd rather fight for. But when it comes down to it, I always want to be asking myself "what is more important?" At the end of my day, at the end of my life, I want others to know I loved them. Not that I had a certain point of view, fought for a cause or an issue. That I loved. And that I was loved.
Monday, November 10, 2008
To emotional health....
So tonight I met with a counselor. I've only told a few people so far I was going to be doing this. I knew going into this there would be some tears and some "issues" to deal with...in only seconds of walking into the room that was confirmed. There are plenty of things that will be said in there I may not even be able to share with even my closest friends sometimes but I felt the need to share some of what came pouring out as I walked out the door to my car and my drive home. So as I've lost 50 lbs of my physical weight this last year, it's time to sort through some emotional weight as well. And in my life long journey to also integrate my spiritual journey with everything I do (and my recent need to find a creative--as I can be--way to express that) here is a post that I could potentially want to delete but will be vunerable tonight...for whatever it's worth.
P.s. thanks to two dear friends that gave me a "deadline" for making the appointment on a rainy day drinking Starbucks...for the love of my "dysfunctional family" of four that have turned my world upside down this year!
“Do you know was a beautiful face you have?”
Those are the words she said as I sat down on the couch. Words that caught me off guard but filled me up. She was a conduit. The words were coming from a being that I needed to hear from the most. They are words I long to hear. Words that set the foundation for the rest of the hour. And somehow I think they are the words that have set the foundation for so much more to come.
Abandonment. Co-dependency. Perfectionist.
Those are words about other people. Words you hear on TV or bounced about in conversation about other family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances. But tonight, much to my dismay but also my relief, they were words about me. As tears fell, my new counselor was putting in words and pictures what I needed to hear. The faults I had that were keeping me from what I want most. Do I even know what I want most? ...I am at loss for words and imagery but she was putting together some of the pieces. Tonight one corner was found. In hours to come, she’ll be my guide as other corners and pieces are put back together. And I could feel that there was someone else who saw the completed picture of who I was created to be. The someone else who was the surface I could dump out my box of mixed up pieces. And would be the one (and has been) to guide people and situations and myself as each piece was reconnected.
My family. My past. My friendships. Hurts, triumphs, burdens, joy and sorrow. All the things that create the lenses I look through. I wouldn’t call them rose-colored lenses. There is a lot of dirt on them now. Smudges, cracks and scratches. There is brilliance beyond it all but distracted by the cynicism, doubt, anger, and mourning I feel. Mourning for a relationship I haven’t even lost yet. And I think also mourning for a relationship I’ve tried so hard to lose. At the end of the hour, as they counselor prayed, my hand held gently in hers, the biggest relevation of all hit. I felt abandoned by God.
Yet I believe it was him saying “do you know what a beautiful face you have?”. It was God saying, “I’m still here. I didn’t go anywhere. I still love you. I’m am all around, and yes, mostly I’ve been in the unexpected places because that’s where you’re eyes are open.”
So in her gentle eyes and soothing voice, this will be a new place that I feel is like a church. Where I can come as I am. Lay out my worries and battle wounds. Let the tears fall (and snot as well!). And be embraced for who I have been, who I am. and who I am becoming. Where the cross is less about the ornamental “junk” like what has become of the years of history and problems humans have degraded it with, but a symbol of the most powerful love. Love that transcends rules, brokenness, pain--that heals, unifies and comforts. It’s the cross that we are told to pick up daily and follow. A love that is always there but I couldn’t see when I settled for far less that it is.
P.s. thanks to two dear friends that gave me a "deadline" for making the appointment on a rainy day drinking Starbucks...for the love of my "dysfunctional family" of four that have turned my world upside down this year!
“Do you know was a beautiful face you have?”
Those are the words she said as I sat down on the couch. Words that caught me off guard but filled me up. She was a conduit. The words were coming from a being that I needed to hear from the most. They are words I long to hear. Words that set the foundation for the rest of the hour. And somehow I think they are the words that have set the foundation for so much more to come.
Abandonment. Co-dependency. Perfectionist.
Those are words about other people. Words you hear on TV or bounced about in conversation about other family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances. But tonight, much to my dismay but also my relief, they were words about me. As tears fell, my new counselor was putting in words and pictures what I needed to hear. The faults I had that were keeping me from what I want most. Do I even know what I want most? ...I am at loss for words and imagery but she was putting together some of the pieces. Tonight one corner was found. In hours to come, she’ll be my guide as other corners and pieces are put back together. And I could feel that there was someone else who saw the completed picture of who I was created to be. The someone else who was the surface I could dump out my box of mixed up pieces. And would be the one (and has been) to guide people and situations and myself as each piece was reconnected.
My family. My past. My friendships. Hurts, triumphs, burdens, joy and sorrow. All the things that create the lenses I look through. I wouldn’t call them rose-colored lenses. There is a lot of dirt on them now. Smudges, cracks and scratches. There is brilliance beyond it all but distracted by the cynicism, doubt, anger, and mourning I feel. Mourning for a relationship I haven’t even lost yet. And I think also mourning for a relationship I’ve tried so hard to lose. At the end of the hour, as they counselor prayed, my hand held gently in hers, the biggest relevation of all hit. I felt abandoned by God.
Yet I believe it was him saying “do you know what a beautiful face you have?”. It was God saying, “I’m still here. I didn’t go anywhere. I still love you. I’m am all around, and yes, mostly I’ve been in the unexpected places because that’s where you’re eyes are open.”
So in her gentle eyes and soothing voice, this will be a new place that I feel is like a church. Where I can come as I am. Lay out my worries and battle wounds. Let the tears fall (and snot as well!). And be embraced for who I have been, who I am. and who I am becoming. Where the cross is less about the ornamental “junk” like what has become of the years of history and problems humans have degraded it with, but a symbol of the most powerful love. Love that transcends rules, brokenness, pain--that heals, unifies and comforts. It’s the cross that we are told to pick up daily and follow. A love that is always there but I couldn’t see when I settled for far less that it is.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
many thanks
So many days I am overwhelemed by what I would like to change. Or by the bad things...often seflishly...in my life. Or turning on the news, the recent election, the downturn in the economy, bad things that people do to each other. Moments I'm consumed by our fallen state, our huge departure from what life should be, our destructive ways. And in the midst of it...
Days of hope. Days of knowing that there is still good. Still things worth believing in. A rain coming into bring a clearer picture of what I still should fight for. Moments where I remember that depsite the bad and depressing there is still blessings. Despite the propensity humans have for unimaginable wrongs, there is still amazing capabilities for good, grace, mercy, and love. And discussion over coffee with a couple of friends was another reminder of the good that still keeps me hoping. Keeps my faith alive even when the world threatens to paralyze me.
So in a quite moment, with the rain falling outside, I can only smile. Thank God for the good in my life and trust He's bigger than me. Bigger than where we've gone in our lives. Bigger than disease, poverty, greed, hate, and the countless other things that humans do to push us farther away from a being that finds a way to love us. And He loves us enough to sometimes sit back and wait for us...so that we're not merely robots but have a choice. In my countless bad choices, in the rainfall I'm choosing today to have a moment of thanksgiving. To have a moment of hope that someday things will return to the way things should have always been. To have a moment to be filled up by a love that seems impossible.
Days of hope. Days of knowing that there is still good. Still things worth believing in. A rain coming into bring a clearer picture of what I still should fight for. Moments where I remember that depsite the bad and depressing there is still blessings. Despite the propensity humans have for unimaginable wrongs, there is still amazing capabilities for good, grace, mercy, and love. And discussion over coffee with a couple of friends was another reminder of the good that still keeps me hoping. Keeps my faith alive even when the world threatens to paralyze me.
So in a quite moment, with the rain falling outside, I can only smile. Thank God for the good in my life and trust He's bigger than me. Bigger than where we've gone in our lives. Bigger than disease, poverty, greed, hate, and the countless other things that humans do to push us farther away from a being that finds a way to love us. And He loves us enough to sometimes sit back and wait for us...so that we're not merely robots but have a choice. In my countless bad choices, in the rainfall I'm choosing today to have a moment of thanksgiving. To have a moment of hope that someday things will return to the way things should have always been. To have a moment to be filled up by a love that seems impossible.
Monday, October 27, 2008
the loss that is actually a big win
My team lost 9-3 last night. But I was estactic.
Besides an intramural flag football team in college, I never played organized sports. And now I have played my first official ice hockey game. The adreline was coursing through every inch of me and depsite the loss, I felt better that if we had actually won. I couldn't stop chattering way for at least 30 minutes after the game to my friends (okay it was probably a little longer than that, my sense of time was a bit skewed yesterday. Another story altogether).
I know what I did wrong. But I also knew that just playing was doing something right. I could see my own strenghts and weaknesses (how important good skating is!). Knew all the things I needed to practice, all the thinking and skills that would come with time. By March when the season is over, I'll have developed far beyond this point. But I now was on a team. Now learning. Grasping things that seemed beyond my non-athletic comprehension. I knew that I could step up and play beyond being "safe".
In all of this learning experience on the ice, I see how the game can be a metaphor for life. Don't worry, I'll spare the details on my analogies. But there is a part of me that is more alive for jumping in and experiencing this. The passion for the sport has spurred me on in passion for other things. And the support from those around me from my teammates and coaches to family and friends has been incredible--pushing me forward to figure out how I can apply these skills in work, relationships, and my faith. (Seeing three of my closest friends sitting behind the stands was just as important as knowing that they'd be there for so many other ups and downs as well.) So here's to another activity I've "accomplished" of of my 40 things to do before 40 list...And to the other ones I'll keep giving my all.
Besides an intramural flag football team in college, I never played organized sports. And now I have played my first official ice hockey game. The adreline was coursing through every inch of me and depsite the loss, I felt better that if we had actually won. I couldn't stop chattering way for at least 30 minutes after the game to my friends (okay it was probably a little longer than that, my sense of time was a bit skewed yesterday. Another story altogether).
I know what I did wrong. But I also knew that just playing was doing something right. I could see my own strenghts and weaknesses (how important good skating is!). Knew all the things I needed to practice, all the thinking and skills that would come with time. By March when the season is over, I'll have developed far beyond this point. But I now was on a team. Now learning. Grasping things that seemed beyond my non-athletic comprehension. I knew that I could step up and play beyond being "safe".
In all of this learning experience on the ice, I see how the game can be a metaphor for life. Don't worry, I'll spare the details on my analogies. But there is a part of me that is more alive for jumping in and experiencing this. The passion for the sport has spurred me on in passion for other things. And the support from those around me from my teammates and coaches to family and friends has been incredible--pushing me forward to figure out how I can apply these skills in work, relationships, and my faith. (Seeing three of my closest friends sitting behind the stands was just as important as knowing that they'd be there for so many other ups and downs as well.) So here's to another activity I've "accomplished" of of my 40 things to do before 40 list...And to the other ones I'll keep giving my all.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
It's more than that...
It's more than the excitment of Disneyland...it's the allowance I make to be a child.
It's more than a nickname...its a closeness of a friend.
More than a game...it's finding a new passion.
More than my brother waking up early to skate with his sister before work...
More than my parents feeding and tolerating my cat while I head out of town for a weekend...
More than my cat meeting me at the door or his chattering or his cuddling...
More than a meal at chili's or a night of sushi...
More than coffee and colonge and good conversations...
More than realizing that I can do now physically something I never dreamed of doing 5 months ago...
More than the sore muscles or sweat...
More than putting on the gear, the skates and a jersey and doing something new...
More than long rides in a car with a good friend...
More than a book...
More than a story...
More than a lists of things to accomplish...
More than the parts of body, my brain, the cells we're made of...
More than facing fears...
More than just waking up everyday to survive...it's the embracing the good in life, enduring the hard, learning, loving, grasping on to what makes us more than the sum of all the parts.
It's more than a nickname...its a closeness of a friend.
More than a game...it's finding a new passion.
More than my brother waking up early to skate with his sister before work...
More than my parents feeding and tolerating my cat while I head out of town for a weekend...
More than my cat meeting me at the door or his chattering or his cuddling...
More than a meal at chili's or a night of sushi...
More than coffee and colonge and good conversations...
More than realizing that I can do now physically something I never dreamed of doing 5 months ago...
More than the sore muscles or sweat...
More than putting on the gear, the skates and a jersey and doing something new...
More than long rides in a car with a good friend...
More than a book...
More than a story...
More than a lists of things to accomplish...
More than the parts of body, my brain, the cells we're made of...
More than facing fears...
More than just waking up everyday to survive...it's the embracing the good in life, enduring the hard, learning, loving, grasping on to what makes us more than the sum of all the parts.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
13 going on 30...
Last June started a new journey, a transformation of growing up. I've spent too many years feeling invisible or trying to be invisible. Not wanting to stand out, trying to blend into my surroundings. It was literally as if I was eternally 13. But last year I made a decision that my life had to change. It didn't start on a road of "growing up"--more of getting healthy. Looking back on this year, it feels like I finally made it through puberty...at the age of 30. All those years of feeling awkward in my own body, feeling like I had to hide who I really was--I've made it to the other side.
The most obvious change I've made is my physical appearance. But beyond the almost 50 pounds I've now lost, I have gained much more. I now find myself loving a good workout, pushing myself mentally and physically to my limits. I am strong and in shape, confident and sure of myself (most of the time). Food tastes different and instead of being an escape, it is now something to enjoy and experience. I know that my life will continue to evolve, go through ups and downs. But I look ahead with excitement of where I am going. Proud of where I am, and reflective of where I've been. I've overcome so many obstacles this year and am encouraged to keep pushing through. I never thought I'd be where I'm at today--couldn't have imagined where I am currently. And for the most part wouldn't trade (much) of my life thus far.
Another change I've noticed this year, mostly internal but I believe others have seen an external change as well--I feel alive! I'm not numb to what is going on around me. All senses are alert. Both pain and pleasure are very real. And in that reality, the pain I've experienced is more welcome--not for the actual acts or emotions but as a reminder that I'm human. My faults and mistakes (even others) are no longer assaults to who I am but opportunities for grace, redemption and reminders of how small we all really are. Even physical pain feels different now. Whether it's sore muscles from a workout, a burn from a hot iron or stove, or stubbing a toe walking through my place in the dark, the pain keeps me aware of who I am, of my surroundings. "For once I want to be the car crash...not always just the traffic jam" are words from a Snow Patrol song that jump out at me. And just as the pain is more tangible, moments of joy are brighter. I have more moments of child like fascination and playfulness that helps life feel more magical.
About two and a half years ago, my college pastor passed away at the age of 33. The morning he died, he was supposed to give a sermon based on the movie 'Garden State'. His wife typed up his notes soon after and the end of the sermon provided a great inspirational message. The words hang up in my living room and also on the visor of my car. I've been trying to figure out how the message really looks in my life. And now I think I've gotten it...so many days now I feel like I can live in the present. "Love God, Embrace Beauty, Live life to the fullest" is how Kyle would end Sundays. Working on all three but now at the age of 30 I think I'm grasping the living life to it's fullest (carpe Diem, take time to smell the flowers, being in the moment...).
"Live. And live well. Breathe. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and Feel the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun. If you run, allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time. If you bike, pedal HARD...and if you crash then crash well. Feel the Satisfaction of a job well done, a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year olds' nose, don't be disgusted if the Kleenex didn't catch it all...because soon he'll be wiping his own. If you've recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you're eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift." Kyle Lake Oct 2005
The most obvious change I've made is my physical appearance. But beyond the almost 50 pounds I've now lost, I have gained much more. I now find myself loving a good workout, pushing myself mentally and physically to my limits. I am strong and in shape, confident and sure of myself (most of the time). Food tastes different and instead of being an escape, it is now something to enjoy and experience. I know that my life will continue to evolve, go through ups and downs. But I look ahead with excitement of where I am going. Proud of where I am, and reflective of where I've been. I've overcome so many obstacles this year and am encouraged to keep pushing through. I never thought I'd be where I'm at today--couldn't have imagined where I am currently. And for the most part wouldn't trade (much) of my life thus far.
Another change I've noticed this year, mostly internal but I believe others have seen an external change as well--I feel alive! I'm not numb to what is going on around me. All senses are alert. Both pain and pleasure are very real. And in that reality, the pain I've experienced is more welcome--not for the actual acts or emotions but as a reminder that I'm human. My faults and mistakes (even others) are no longer assaults to who I am but opportunities for grace, redemption and reminders of how small we all really are. Even physical pain feels different now. Whether it's sore muscles from a workout, a burn from a hot iron or stove, or stubbing a toe walking through my place in the dark, the pain keeps me aware of who I am, of my surroundings. "For once I want to be the car crash...not always just the traffic jam" are words from a Snow Patrol song that jump out at me. And just as the pain is more tangible, moments of joy are brighter. I have more moments of child like fascination and playfulness that helps life feel more magical.
About two and a half years ago, my college pastor passed away at the age of 33. The morning he died, he was supposed to give a sermon based on the movie 'Garden State'. His wife typed up his notes soon after and the end of the sermon provided a great inspirational message. The words hang up in my living room and also on the visor of my car. I've been trying to figure out how the message really looks in my life. And now I think I've gotten it...so many days now I feel like I can live in the present. "Love God, Embrace Beauty, Live life to the fullest" is how Kyle would end Sundays. Working on all three but now at the age of 30 I think I'm grasping the living life to it's fullest (carpe Diem, take time to smell the flowers, being in the moment...).
"Live. And live well. Breathe. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and Feel the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun. If you run, allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time. If you bike, pedal HARD...and if you crash then crash well. Feel the Satisfaction of a job well done, a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year olds' nose, don't be disgusted if the Kleenex didn't catch it all...because soon he'll be wiping his own. If you've recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you're eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift." Kyle Lake Oct 2005
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Half Dome #20
This past weekend I completed #20--hiking HALF DOME--on my 40 before 40 list. I'm still processing how amazing this was but here are some thoughts on this goal...
--it was harder and eaiser than I imagined. Certainly all the personal training particularly in the last two months really helped both physically and mentall prepare me for this.
--20 miles in 9 hours (last time my dad did it, he took 12 hours). I can't believe I kept up with my brother for a good portion of it. I slowed him down a bit but was fit enough that I wasn't too far behind for most of the hike.
--it was great to spend that time with my brother. My dad went as well but wasn't in as good of shape so we took off in about mile 3 or 4. During the trip, I was still amazed to see how much my little brother has grown up. And there were moments that sometimes I felt like the younger sibling--between his fast pace and more daring attitude, I pushed myself harder than I would have.
--Mentally I had to stop thinking sometimes of what I was about to do, or stop thinking so hard when I was doing something and just do it. So when i really think about the hike, I am pretty excited about what I did...and learning to just admit how proud I am that I was able to accomplish this!
So the list revisited...hopefully a few more down this year and some that I still think maybe more challenging to complete in 10 years due to finances and time...we'll see.
40 before 40 list...with a few comments
I posted this on facebook earlier but this is a good place to repots this. so this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years...some may not happen, hopefully i'll i'm surpass. some of them are dependednt on other goals...we'll see what happens.
1 Lose weight to goal weight and maintain--20 lbs to go (lost 45 so far!!) and this has been an amazing journey! it helps me do a lot of things on my list and I feel amazing!
2 Go hang gliding (I want to fly)
3 read crime and punishment--I think i'll start reading this book next!!
4 swim with sharks
5 go to alaska
6 read paradise lost
7 pay off school debt
8 run a 10k and/or 1/2 marathon--up to 4 miles on the treadmill 2-3 days per week. HOpefully by the end of the year I'll do at least a 5 k and possibly a 10 k. I have really learned to LOVE running!
9 go on a cruise
11 visit all 30 nhl arenas
12 learn to swim laps
13 ride in a helicopter (again...flying)
14 go snowshoeing (did in Feb in Colorado...amazing and hopefully can do this every year)
15 learn to play hockey...I bought my first pair of skates last week, will learn to skate this summer and hopefully can take a begining class this fall!!!
16 start a roth IRA
17 see the grand canyon
18 go on a weekend trip to catalina
19 sit on the glass at a sharks game
20 hike half dome. Completed on 6/7/08!!!
21 go white water rafting...hopefully this summer
22 take a photography class/seminar (another creative outlet...i'm not good but it would good to continue improving...something fun)
23 buy the "perfect" reading chair--did with tax return. I love this chair!
24 go on a backpacking trip
25 plant a tree (take care of creation)
26 go a a wine tour (train) in Napa
27 take a cooking class
28 go to hawaii
29 try scuba diving (would conquer a fear of water i have...if my ears can take the pressure)
30 go on a road trip with no particular destination
31 go on a silent weekend retreat
32 go see the bears in alaska and/or canada
33 see the aurora borealis (northern lights)
34 learn how to shoot a gun
35 go to savannah georgia
36 learn how to do chin ups
37 go kayaking...this summer. anyone else want to join me on this??
38 start an small aquarium
39 visit the new england in the fall
40 read war and peace
--it was harder and eaiser than I imagined. Certainly all the personal training particularly in the last two months really helped both physically and mentall prepare me for this.
--20 miles in 9 hours (last time my dad did it, he took 12 hours). I can't believe I kept up with my brother for a good portion of it. I slowed him down a bit but was fit enough that I wasn't too far behind for most of the hike.
--it was great to spend that time with my brother. My dad went as well but wasn't in as good of shape so we took off in about mile 3 or 4. During the trip, I was still amazed to see how much my little brother has grown up. And there were moments that sometimes I felt like the younger sibling--between his fast pace and more daring attitude, I pushed myself harder than I would have.
--Mentally I had to stop thinking sometimes of what I was about to do, or stop thinking so hard when I was doing something and just do it. So when i really think about the hike, I am pretty excited about what I did...and learning to just admit how proud I am that I was able to accomplish this!
So the list revisited...hopefully a few more down this year and some that I still think maybe more challenging to complete in 10 years due to finances and time...we'll see.
40 before 40 list...with a few comments
I posted this on facebook earlier but this is a good place to repots this. so this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years...some may not happen, hopefully i'll i'm surpass. some of them are dependednt on other goals...we'll see what happens.
1 Lose weight to goal weight and maintain--20 lbs to go (lost 45 so far!!) and this has been an amazing journey! it helps me do a lot of things on my list and I feel amazing!
2 Go hang gliding (I want to fly)
3 read crime and punishment--I think i'll start reading this book next!!
4 swim with sharks
5 go to alaska
6 read paradise lost
7 pay off school debt
8 run a 10k and/or 1/2 marathon--up to 4 miles on the treadmill 2-3 days per week. HOpefully by the end of the year I'll do at least a 5 k and possibly a 10 k. I have really learned to LOVE running!
9 go on a cruise
11 visit all 30 nhl arenas
12 learn to swim laps
13 ride in a helicopter (again...flying)
14 go snowshoeing (did in Feb in Colorado...amazing and hopefully can do this every year)
15 learn to play hockey...I bought my first pair of skates last week, will learn to skate this summer and hopefully can take a begining class this fall!!!
16 start a roth IRA
17 see the grand canyon
18 go on a weekend trip to catalina
19 sit on the glass at a sharks game
20 hike half dome. Completed on 6/7/08!!!
21 go white water rafting...hopefully this summer
22 take a photography class/seminar (another creative outlet...i'm not good but it would good to continue improving...something fun)
23 buy the "perfect" reading chair--did with tax return. I love this chair!
24 go on a backpacking trip
25 plant a tree (take care of creation)
26 go a a wine tour (train) in Napa
27 take a cooking class
28 go to hawaii
29 try scuba diving (would conquer a fear of water i have...if my ears can take the pressure)
30 go on a road trip with no particular destination
31 go on a silent weekend retreat
32 go see the bears in alaska and/or canada
33 see the aurora borealis (northern lights)
34 learn how to shoot a gun
35 go to savannah georgia
36 learn how to do chin ups
37 go kayaking...this summer. anyone else want to join me on this??
38 start an small aquarium
39 visit the new england in the fall
40 read war and peace
Monday, June 9, 2008
repairs
There's a large chunk of the sound wall on highway 87 that's just hanging from the top. I am not sure how long it has been there but it always seems longer than it should. A tree had fallen down cracking a section off the top of the wall, hanging on, threatening to break off into the dirt below. The offending tree was removed some time ago but no repairs have been made thus far. Often my eyes don't recognize the gap. But now more than ever,this hole catches my attention and leaves me thinking about it for the rest of my short commute to work. Still functional, the wall remains standing and likely does the job it was designed to. It's just an ordinary sound barrier between the freeway and surrounding neighborhoods. But for some reason it frustrates me that it could be ignored for so long.
My thought turns to an old friendship that left a similar hole in my heart. It's been there far longer than I would like to admit. I still function in life. I have great relationships with my family and amazing friends. In so many ways the hurt, rejection, anger and sadness can be ignored day to day. But more and more I am seeing this part of me that threatens further intamcy with others. The distrust it caused. Just below the surface. I am starting to see the effects of how it jeapordizes deeper relationships with those already in my life and those yet to come.
Why has that hole remained on the sound barrier for so long?
Why do I hold on to this disappointment for so many years?
Recent conversations brought more attention to the effects this gap has left. It is now evident that my feelings must be addressed. Healing has to come. There will always be scars. Lessons that can be learned and taken with me in other relationships. But I can't allow this failed friendship to threaten my emotional health any longer. Repair must come.
Last week, a man stood on a ladder assessing the damage on the sound wall. Debris from the tree still is piled up below. But this is an encouragement. That in the future there will be a fix to this gap. It is not being ignored. There will likely be marks. And the repair won't happen overnight. But it is a small tangible reminder as I drive to work that like the wall, a repair will happen. The marks will remind me of words said--or not said--and forgivness can occur. Forgetting is not easily done. And sometimes forgetting is not what will work. I think this time it has to remain a part of me, just not controlling me.
My thought turns to an old friendship that left a similar hole in my heart. It's been there far longer than I would like to admit. I still function in life. I have great relationships with my family and amazing friends. In so many ways the hurt, rejection, anger and sadness can be ignored day to day. But more and more I am seeing this part of me that threatens further intamcy with others. The distrust it caused. Just below the surface. I am starting to see the effects of how it jeapordizes deeper relationships with those already in my life and those yet to come.
Why has that hole remained on the sound barrier for so long?
Why do I hold on to this disappointment for so many years?
Recent conversations brought more attention to the effects this gap has left. It is now evident that my feelings must be addressed. Healing has to come. There will always be scars. Lessons that can be learned and taken with me in other relationships. But I can't allow this failed friendship to threaten my emotional health any longer. Repair must come.
Last week, a man stood on a ladder assessing the damage on the sound wall. Debris from the tree still is piled up below. But this is an encouragement. That in the future there will be a fix to this gap. It is not being ignored. There will likely be marks. And the repair won't happen overnight. But it is a small tangible reminder as I drive to work that like the wall, a repair will happen. The marks will remind me of words said--or not said--and forgivness can occur. Forgetting is not easily done. And sometimes forgetting is not what will work. I think this time it has to remain a part of me, just not controlling me.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
tension
Just something I came across in one of my journals today. It seemed to tie into something that was said in church today and decided to share. not so much poetry as just thoughts I wrote down while sitting in a conference. Always intresting to look back at past journal entries--see where i've been, where i'm at...maybe insight into where i'm going.
two worlds
i belong to one, live in another
I dream of one transforming the other
but live with the other corupting the dream
i cry at the difference i see
looking at what the dream is
is the sacrifice worth it? will there be a difference?
so many voices about those two worlds
voices that bleed together
the background noise can be overwhelming
where is the truth in the midst of all this grey
is there black and white
how far am i
how close
how do i reconcile this tension in my head, in my heart, my life, my soul
two worlds
i belong to one, live in another
I dream of one transforming the other
but live with the other corupting the dream
i cry at the difference i see
looking at what the dream is
is the sacrifice worth it? will there be a difference?
so many voices about those two worlds
voices that bleed together
the background noise can be overwhelming
where is the truth in the midst of all this grey
is there black and white
how far am i
how close
how do i reconcile this tension in my head, in my heart, my life, my soul
Monday, April 7, 2008
Jesus, Joe and Brian Campbell (or how I want my faith to look more like my love for HOCKEY)
It was inevitable that I'd blog about hockey. I think about it constantly. I'm sure those around me tune me out, or are annoyed, or uninterested (or all). But that is part of my life now. And since the season ended yesterday and post-season playoff hockey is about to begin (on Wednesday for the Sharks--I'm going with my brother!), I figured it was a good time for this post.
At the beginning of this past season I was having a discussion about hockey with some friends (who actually like/care about hockey too). I was talking about how much I loved to watch Joe Thornton on the ice. He was my hero. And from a girl who really didn't care much about sports in the past, having a sports hero was a big thing. It so happened that this conversation was at a church lunch so I was joking that it was Jesus and Joe as my heroes. Two people who I held in very high esteem. I even named my cat after one. It's my brother's fault that I have learned to admire Joe so much. He talks about him endlessly during games (and before and after) about how well he skates, how he controls the puck, knows the game, ect.I now even watch more for what Joe does, if he has an assist then who actually scored--and Thornton has has plenty of goals himself this season! I have learned to appreciate his talent. He's not bad on the eyes but having people assume that I only like Thornton because of his looks is getting little old. Can't a girl have a sports hero without it being because of how he looks?
A little bit ago, the Sharks acquired a new defenseman, Brian Campbell at the trade deadline. His skating is unbelievable and definitely a new and much needed dimension to the team. My new addition to my hero line. I had heard only a little from blogs and news about the value he would be to my beloved team but when I saw him that first week he was in San Jose I was floored. To be honest...I do have a little crush on him. I think its not just the talent he possess but it's evident the passion he has for the game (and in this case his career). He also fits right in to the team so I hope he'll sign a contract come July.
So back to Jesus in this line of three. He is someone that is definitely part of my life. Yet I probably talk about him less outside of church or my closest friends. At the very least I probably don't discuss him like I would Thornton or Campbell. Maybe that's good in a way.He is certainly bigger than a couple of hockey players. But in other ways I am wishing that my faith in God resembled my obsession with hockey a little more. I'm am constantly searching for news and articles/blogs on my team, other teams, players games, and video. I soak in all the information, commentary and other's opinions (particularly my brothers) like I can't get enough. I'm even starting training at the gym to work on skills I can use when I start to take hockey lessons next year. I can admit that there is a lot I don't know, and it pushes me to learn more. So maybe there is a part of me who realizes that I should spend part of my time reading more in the Bible or soaking up more information in my faith. I won't be completely down on myself. It's not like I don't think about God, my faith, how it impacts my world. It's so ingrained in me that I can't get away from thinking about it even when I try. I think the passion isn't there sometimes. The cynical thinking gets in the way of my desire some days. I can only continue to be aware of this difference between these two loves in my life, remember my priorities, be humble in what i don't know, and seek to grow in my knowledge and experience of both. Hopefully at some point, I can learn again to talk about my faith and live it out as passionately as I do about hockey.
So here's to hopefully will be another two months of Sharks hockey...And to Jesus, Joe, and Brian Campbell...
(and the rest of the guys but it would take too long to name them
all and wouldn't sound fun!)
At the beginning of this past season I was having a discussion about hockey with some friends (who actually like/care about hockey too). I was talking about how much I loved to watch Joe Thornton on the ice. He was my hero. And from a girl who really didn't care much about sports in the past, having a sports hero was a big thing. It so happened that this conversation was at a church lunch so I was joking that it was Jesus and Joe as my heroes. Two people who I held in very high esteem. I even named my cat after one. It's my brother's fault that I have learned to admire Joe so much. He talks about him endlessly during games (and before and after) about how well he skates, how he controls the puck, knows the game, ect.I now even watch more for what Joe does, if he has an assist then who actually scored--and Thornton has has plenty of goals himself this season! I have learned to appreciate his talent. He's not bad on the eyes but having people assume that I only like Thornton because of his looks is getting little old. Can't a girl have a sports hero without it being because of how he looks?
A little bit ago, the Sharks acquired a new defenseman, Brian Campbell at the trade deadline. His skating is unbelievable and definitely a new and much needed dimension to the team. My new addition to my hero line. I had heard only a little from blogs and news about the value he would be to my beloved team but when I saw him that first week he was in San Jose I was floored. To be honest...I do have a little crush on him. I think its not just the talent he possess but it's evident the passion he has for the game (and in this case his career). He also fits right in to the team so I hope he'll sign a contract come July.
So back to Jesus in this line of three. He is someone that is definitely part of my life. Yet I probably talk about him less outside of church or my closest friends. At the very least I probably don't discuss him like I would Thornton or Campbell. Maybe that's good in a way.He is certainly bigger than a couple of hockey players. But in other ways I am wishing that my faith in God resembled my obsession with hockey a little more. I'm am constantly searching for news and articles/blogs on my team, other teams, players games, and video. I soak in all the information, commentary and other's opinions (particularly my brothers) like I can't get enough. I'm even starting training at the gym to work on skills I can use when I start to take hockey lessons next year. I can admit that there is a lot I don't know, and it pushes me to learn more. So maybe there is a part of me who realizes that I should spend part of my time reading more in the Bible or soaking up more information in my faith. I won't be completely down on myself. It's not like I don't think about God, my faith, how it impacts my world. It's so ingrained in me that I can't get away from thinking about it even when I try. I think the passion isn't there sometimes. The cynical thinking gets in the way of my desire some days. I can only continue to be aware of this difference between these two loves in my life, remember my priorities, be humble in what i don't know, and seek to grow in my knowledge and experience of both. Hopefully at some point, I can learn again to talk about my faith and live it out as passionately as I do about hockey.
So here's to hopefully will be another two months of Sharks hockey...And to Jesus, Joe, and Brian Campbell...
(and the rest of the guys but it would take too long to name them
all and wouldn't sound fun!)
Friday, April 4, 2008
The Power of Myth
In sixth grade I thought I was doing a great moralistic action by coming home to tell my mother that I would not do a homework assignment from my language arts teacher--because it was about Greek mythology. I thought (at that time) that as a Christian I should not learn about such things. Maybe this is not directly what my leaders and church meant, but this is the message I was taking home. Thankfully my mother didn't let me off the hook on my assignment. I was to do the assignment not only because it was homework but because there was value to learning about the past, about other cultures, and about myths. What a great lesson my mother taught me that day. This is what came to mind in opening up "The Power of Myth" from Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers.
In the last few years I have heard more and more about the relationship of Christianity to other stories both ancient and modern. In the past I wasn't able to grasp that these comparisons were a healthy thing. I was taught (or at least understood) these stories were a threat--to the church, to God, to my faith. By learning about these stories, I was opening up doors to "fall away from God" or so I thought. There is a wall that the church built to protect it's own story. But the wall often keeps our understanding from the richness of the Christian story. The Christian story is very similar to so many stories, but God is showing us how he is different within his story. It's a message the author and pastor Rob Bell spoke of on his "the gods aren't angry tour". That yes, there are so many similarities between the Christian/Hebrew story and the many cultures around the world. And if we ignore the truth in the stories or the stories themselves we fail to understand the world we live in, our humanity and more about the God who claims to be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
So today at lunch I started reading "the Power of Myth". Based on a series of interviews with Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell that aired on PBS in the 1980's, it shares the conversation the two had regarding myths and their impact in our lives. I had first heard of the series on Gilmore Girls when two of the characters were talking about watching it on spring break (the two were having a hard time "living it up" with typical spring break traditions and decided to watch "the power of myth" with pizza in their hotel room instead). I picked up a copy a few months ago during one of my wanderings through Barnes and Noble. And then I picked up the book last night since I was all caught up on watching Battlestar Galactica--in perfect timing. (This series is a great story that touches on this same conversation throughout the episodes.)
**Bill Moyers is great. He can engage in a discussion with people and express his own Christian beliefs without belittling or demeaning his conversation partner. It is just that--a discussion. He seeks to understand the other person and yet relate the topic in to his own understanding. I haven't seen many of his interviews but have always been mesmerized by how he communicates with others in those I have watched. In reading this book (so far), I think he has a gift for bringing out the best in people. Even when he doesn't fully agree.
"One thing that comes out in myths is that at the bottom of the abyss come the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light."
This is the story that continues to appear throughout history, in myths, the Bible, the Koran, in popular culture, books, movies...And it is the story that holds humanity together. It is why Star Wars is so popular. Why I think Battlestar Galactica is written so well. And why I think as Christians, it is so imperative that we understand the other stories. So that we too can communicate with others. I don't think the knowledge of what the Native American stories, the Greek and Roman gods, the past stories of creation negate the Christian story. I think the differences enhance the power of Jesus, what he taught and who is was/is. In the few chapters I've read, I understand that at least to some degree the Christian story is just another myth to Campbell. But not in the sense that is disregarded as untrue. In more of the sense that all of these stories hold truth for humanity.
There is a danger in being too pluralistic. In saying all the stories lead to the same truth. I think that there are important differences. And these differences are why I hold on to Christianity rather than other religions. But to disregard the all other stories to the other extreme is dangerous as well, quite possibly more dangerous. It's the attitude that breeds hate, wars and exclusivity when Jesus lived and died to teach us love, peace and the idea that his salvation was available to all who will simply believe.
In the last few years I have heard more and more about the relationship of Christianity to other stories both ancient and modern. In the past I wasn't able to grasp that these comparisons were a healthy thing. I was taught (or at least understood) these stories were a threat--to the church, to God, to my faith. By learning about these stories, I was opening up doors to "fall away from God" or so I thought. There is a wall that the church built to protect it's own story. But the wall often keeps our understanding from the richness of the Christian story. The Christian story is very similar to so many stories, but God is showing us how he is different within his story. It's a message the author and pastor Rob Bell spoke of on his "the gods aren't angry tour". That yes, there are so many similarities between the Christian/Hebrew story and the many cultures around the world. And if we ignore the truth in the stories or the stories themselves we fail to understand the world we live in, our humanity and more about the God who claims to be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
So today at lunch I started reading "the Power of Myth". Based on a series of interviews with Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell that aired on PBS in the 1980's, it shares the conversation the two had regarding myths and their impact in our lives. I had first heard of the series on Gilmore Girls when two of the characters were talking about watching it on spring break (the two were having a hard time "living it up" with typical spring break traditions and decided to watch "the power of myth" with pizza in their hotel room instead). I picked up a copy a few months ago during one of my wanderings through Barnes and Noble. And then I picked up the book last night since I was all caught up on watching Battlestar Galactica--in perfect timing. (This series is a great story that touches on this same conversation throughout the episodes.)
**Bill Moyers is great. He can engage in a discussion with people and express his own Christian beliefs without belittling or demeaning his conversation partner. It is just that--a discussion. He seeks to understand the other person and yet relate the topic in to his own understanding. I haven't seen many of his interviews but have always been mesmerized by how he communicates with others in those I have watched. In reading this book (so far), I think he has a gift for bringing out the best in people. Even when he doesn't fully agree.
"One thing that comes out in myths is that at the bottom of the abyss come the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light."
This is the story that continues to appear throughout history, in myths, the Bible, the Koran, in popular culture, books, movies...And it is the story that holds humanity together. It is why Star Wars is so popular. Why I think Battlestar Galactica is written so well. And why I think as Christians, it is so imperative that we understand the other stories. So that we too can communicate with others. I don't think the knowledge of what the Native American stories, the Greek and Roman gods, the past stories of creation negate the Christian story. I think the differences enhance the power of Jesus, what he taught and who is was/is. In the few chapters I've read, I understand that at least to some degree the Christian story is just another myth to Campbell. But not in the sense that is disregarded as untrue. In more of the sense that all of these stories hold truth for humanity.
There is a danger in being too pluralistic. In saying all the stories lead to the same truth. I think that there are important differences. And these differences are why I hold on to Christianity rather than other religions. But to disregard the all other stories to the other extreme is dangerous as well, quite possibly more dangerous. It's the attitude that breeds hate, wars and exclusivity when Jesus lived and died to teach us love, peace and the idea that his salvation was available to all who will simply believe.
Monday, March 24, 2008
It was a spiritual moment. Not a religious activity but just a quiet moment on Easter. A moment to just enjoy. I bought a new reading chair with my tax refund. Last night Iwas able to spend a little time swallowed up by the chair with a book. One lamp on behind me. Some new soft yellow roses sitting on the stand beside. My cat, who had now forgiven me for trimming his monstrous claws earlier, stretched out on my lap. And in the quiet of the evening I could just enjoy the moment. I could turn my mind off to what has happened and the yet to come. I could just be. And that is sometimes the hardest thing for me to do.
I've experienced more of these moments lately. It seems in my pursuit to be healthier and shred some of the unnecessary weight, I've gained an ability to focus on the small moments of life. My time at the the gym focusing on what my body is doing has helped me focus in other areas mentally. I've learned the importance of mind over matter. Saturday it was a 2 hour bike ride where I could just think without disctractions of TV or music. But I didn't feel like my thoughts had to overwhelm the experience. For times, I just rode. I didn't need to think. More moments of just being. Something I've been striving to do for a long time. And since my college pastor's last sermon more than two years ago--his words of enjoying those small moments of life...before his sudden death--I've sought more ways of doing this. In not thinking about doing it and just taking the moments as they've come, I'm finally grasping the value of living in the here and now. I can't turn of who I am in thinking about my future or my past--there is value to both. But i don't want to miss the present anymore.
I've experienced more of these moments lately. It seems in my pursuit to be healthier and shred some of the unnecessary weight, I've gained an ability to focus on the small moments of life. My time at the the gym focusing on what my body is doing has helped me focus in other areas mentally. I've learned the importance of mind over matter. Saturday it was a 2 hour bike ride where I could just think without disctractions of TV or music. But I didn't feel like my thoughts had to overwhelm the experience. For times, I just rode. I didn't need to think. More moments of just being. Something I've been striving to do for a long time. And since my college pastor's last sermon more than two years ago--his words of enjoying those small moments of life...before his sudden death--I've sought more ways of doing this. In not thinking about doing it and just taking the moments as they've come, I'm finally grasping the value of living in the here and now. I can't turn of who I am in thinking about my future or my past--there is value to both. But i don't want to miss the present anymore.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Number 14 and Number 20
I completed Number 14 on my 40 Things to Do Before 40 list. Snowshoing. I was in Colorado recently with my best friend from college and went snow shoeing twice when we were there. When I got there, Kelly said we were going to the Army/Navy Surplus store to rent the shoes. I immediatly pictured some of previous surplus stores--I thought it was a little strange to be visiting a store full of camoflauge and actual surplus items I've seen in previous visits to these surplus store but I was in for a surprise. The store in Boulder was like a treasure chest--not like any previous stores I remember. It was more like a sports store filled with camping items, clothes, snow equipment and much more. I was in love with the store. Colorado was already seducing me with a sports store. And we hadn't even gotten to the scenery yet. So we rented some snow shoes and headed up to Brainard Lake.
The trail was well marked and most of what we followed were small hills through the woods. An hour and a half later we never quite made it to the lake, but I had the time of my life. Starting out sunny the hike ended up in some light snow when the clouds came it. But I loved the quiet, the adventure, and the exercise.
So instead of snow mobiling on Monday, we decided to save some money and go snow shoing again at Sunlight Moutain in Glenwood Springs. The boots weren't as good and the scenery was more open. But the clean air and moutain full of aspsens and clean white snow made for another good trip. The first two hours were mostly uphill. And with a little experience and some ski poles we ventured off the groomed trails at times to have some adventures. We almost made it to the top of the ridge but ran out of energy and headed home (with me falling waist deep into one of the snow banks--Kelly says I looked pretty freaked out as I scrambled to get myself back on top of the snow!). Another 45 minutes we made it back down the hill. And despite our shoes not fitting correctly, we had another exicting adventure. I was hooked was convinced I could do that every weekend. Too bad the nearest show is a few hours away for most of the season!
As for number 20...I'm planning on hiking Half-Dome this June with my brother, dad, and one of my dad's co-workers. I need a few hikes before then but exicted for a new challenge. The more healthy I am becoming the more adventure I am seeking. It feels great to finally do some things that I've wanted to do for along time. I've noticed how restless I become now if I'm not doing something active--and I'm exited about the progress I've made so far. Almost 30 pounds lost but I feel like I've gain so many more experiences and enjoyment so far! My goal to hit number one on this list still is a little over 35 pounds left--and I'm more excited about the opportunities the loss will provide than the actual end number I'm planning on.
God is not a magic bullet
Podcasts are great. Particularly for a lunch time workout. I had downloaded some mp3 sermons, many from Mars Hill church (both Rob Bell's church in Michigan and Mark Driscoll's church in Seattle--this may be completely irrelevant but oh well). I noticed the other day I had a sermon on there from Donald Miller--one of my favorite authors (Blue Like Jazz, To Own A Dragon, Painted Deserts). I had a longer lunch today so thought I'd listen to a talk he did in Michigan at some point titled "God is Fathering Us".
Miller starts by discussing how our consumer society drives not only our emotions about the products in our lives but also our faith. Particularly through an example of infomercials that promise us fulfillment from some product--and our disappointment with said product once we actually try it. In this case it was the Magic Bullet--I think i missed this one! But I can relate--even on my recent flight home I was paging through the SkyMall magazine to see all of the things I never knew I was "missing" in terms of gadgets to help improve my life. Do I really need a color pattern alarm clock or a remote golf ball to be happy? This consumerism in faith as well, shaping our view of God and religion. But Christianity is not supposed to be about consumerism. It's not supposed to be about false promises of how great and perfect our lives will be if we just have God (or the projected image of God). The bible certainly doesn't portray faith as a product that we will fill our lives with happiness and bliss all of the time (Jesus wanted us to have an abundant life not a "perfect" life--particularly not in the way the western culture would define "perfect"). In fact as the podcast points out, if you look at what Jesus says about faith, often times it leads us through pain, suffering and sorrow. I guess that's the fine print we often ignore. Faith is not about a product but a relationship. With God the relationship is like that of a father who wants the best for us (and it sometimes means discipline, hardship, and things we don't always want but more often than not need.)
In the last few months I have been hearing more about how Christianity as most see it today is more like a pagan religion than what God had intended. Rob Bell did a great speaking tour discussing how cultures developed religious systems throughout history in "The gods aren't angry". God often used what people understood about the gods they served to point out that he was DIFFERENT. While pagan religions seek ways to please the gods to gain favor (such as scarifies for rain, war, protection, harvests and so on), the God of the Hebrews was saying "that is not how I work". God was desiring us to LOVE him for who he was. It didn't matter what we did, he loved us from the start. But throughout history, Christianity has adopted so many "pagan" ways of trying to please and manipulate God into doing things for them. If we just said the right things, did certain actions, prayed a certain way, then we would expect God to give us what we were asking for.Wow--am I also guilty of this at times, particularly in my faith growing up. And in the course of creating all of our formulas for living, we forgot God. We forgot that the Bible is not a formula of how-to's to get God to do things for us. We forgot the Bible is a love story to his people of how he "first loved us" and that He is trying to find ways of showing that to his people. To paraphrase Donald Miller, God did not give us formulas because he didn't want us to trust in the formulas--he wanted for us to trust in him. Again, wow--this opens my eyes--and ouch that can hit the core. If I think of how I want others to show their love for me I would say I didn't want them to do actions or say things to please me or manipulate me but to be genuine in their love. "I desire MERCY not SACRIFICE" is something often repeated throughout the Bible. How much more then should I also show God that I love him in my honesty, service and prayers not my manipulations and "good" deeds. **I am not saying of course that God doesn't direct us to lead lives that are pleasing to him, but often we get our motives out of place and ignore our hearts in attempt to "live right".
Another point that was discussed was the exclusivity of Christianity not as arrogance (as it is so often!) but that love itself is exclusive. The example referenced Jesus and his bride--the church. You wouldn't fault a bride or groom for expecting that their spouse only love them in their marriage. That is expected (although in our broken world that's not always portrayed). So Christianity should not be about being the only religion so much as a Christian saying that because they love God, that is what they will uphold. That as a follower of Christ our LOVE for him will compel us to serve him above all else. It's not to say that other religions don't have truth in them. Gandhi and Buddha and so many religions and philosophies have great things to say, some very powerful truths. But because of my love for God, I'm choosing to follow the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob--follow the God that showed his love in his son's life and son's death. I can't deny that western, particularly American views don't deeply affect my views. But I seek to KNOW God--not for a genie granting my wishes but--for the one who loves me enough to love me despite what I don't say or do (or for that matter what I do say or do). That I love him because he IS love and through him I can learn HOW to LOVE.
Miller starts by discussing how our consumer society drives not only our emotions about the products in our lives but also our faith. Particularly through an example of infomercials that promise us fulfillment from some product--and our disappointment with said product once we actually try it. In this case it was the Magic Bullet--I think i missed this one! But I can relate--even on my recent flight home I was paging through the SkyMall magazine to see all of the things I never knew I was "missing" in terms of gadgets to help improve my life. Do I really need a color pattern alarm clock or a remote golf ball to be happy? This consumerism in faith as well, shaping our view of God and religion. But Christianity is not supposed to be about consumerism. It's not supposed to be about false promises of how great and perfect our lives will be if we just have God (or the projected image of God). The bible certainly doesn't portray faith as a product that we will fill our lives with happiness and bliss all of the time (Jesus wanted us to have an abundant life not a "perfect" life--particularly not in the way the western culture would define "perfect"). In fact as the podcast points out, if you look at what Jesus says about faith, often times it leads us through pain, suffering and sorrow. I guess that's the fine print we often ignore. Faith is not about a product but a relationship. With God the relationship is like that of a father who wants the best for us (and it sometimes means discipline, hardship, and things we don't always want but more often than not need.)
In the last few months I have been hearing more about how Christianity as most see it today is more like a pagan religion than what God had intended. Rob Bell did a great speaking tour discussing how cultures developed religious systems throughout history in "The gods aren't angry". God often used what people understood about the gods they served to point out that he was DIFFERENT. While pagan religions seek ways to please the gods to gain favor (such as scarifies for rain, war, protection, harvests and so on), the God of the Hebrews was saying "that is not how I work". God was desiring us to LOVE him for who he was. It didn't matter what we did, he loved us from the start. But throughout history, Christianity has adopted so many "pagan" ways of trying to please and manipulate God into doing things for them. If we just said the right things, did certain actions, prayed a certain way, then we would expect God to give us what we were asking for.Wow--am I also guilty of this at times, particularly in my faith growing up. And in the course of creating all of our formulas for living, we forgot God. We forgot that the Bible is not a formula of how-to's to get God to do things for us. We forgot the Bible is a love story to his people of how he "first loved us" and that He is trying to find ways of showing that to his people. To paraphrase Donald Miller, God did not give us formulas because he didn't want us to trust in the formulas--he wanted for us to trust in him. Again, wow--this opens my eyes--and ouch that can hit the core. If I think of how I want others to show their love for me I would say I didn't want them to do actions or say things to please me or manipulate me but to be genuine in their love. "I desire MERCY not SACRIFICE" is something often repeated throughout the Bible. How much more then should I also show God that I love him in my honesty, service and prayers not my manipulations and "good" deeds. **I am not saying of course that God doesn't direct us to lead lives that are pleasing to him, but often we get our motives out of place and ignore our hearts in attempt to "live right".
Another point that was discussed was the exclusivity of Christianity not as arrogance (as it is so often!) but that love itself is exclusive. The example referenced Jesus and his bride--the church. You wouldn't fault a bride or groom for expecting that their spouse only love them in their marriage. That is expected (although in our broken world that's not always portrayed). So Christianity should not be about being the only religion so much as a Christian saying that because they love God, that is what they will uphold. That as a follower of Christ our LOVE for him will compel us to serve him above all else. It's not to say that other religions don't have truth in them. Gandhi and Buddha and so many religions and philosophies have great things to say, some very powerful truths. But because of my love for God, I'm choosing to follow the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob--follow the God that showed his love in his son's life and son's death. I can't deny that western, particularly American views don't deeply affect my views. But I seek to KNOW God--not for a genie granting my wishes but--for the one who loves me enough to love me despite what I don't say or do (or for that matter what I do say or do). That I love him because he IS love and through him I can learn HOW to LOVE.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Barack Obama on Faith and Politics...
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid353515028?bctid=416343938
It's no secret to those around me that I support Barack Obama. I know he's still a politician (there's an inherent distrust)...but I am impressed by his words, intellegence, seemingly authentic personality. I don't know if he's most qualified compared to Clinton or McCain but if anything he has inspired me to be a better person. I certainly will base my vote in November on more than just "I like him" but the more I read about his views and hear his debates and speeches the more I respect him as an individual. "Audacity of Hope" a great book on so many social issues and a good introduction to some of his views and past involvements in politics and his community.
So this video was posted on another site and it affirmed at least why I like him--if not just as a presidental canidate but as a person. He's the kind of person I would like to sit down and have a converstation. (It's also no secret that this is not the way I feel about our current president). He does not deny his faith, nor shoves it down another's throat. I don't know his exact doctrine of faith but even if I disagreed he's someone that I think would listen and wrestle through the differences. There is a balance to his discussion about the good and bad of relgion and faith.
The video was a speech to Sojurners (a Christian organization that is committed to social changes like helping those in poverty) and specifically discussing the role of faith with in the context politics. The talk starts out a little slow but I agree with a lot of his view. Barak had some good thoughts on how politics (on both sides) have exploited and twisted and even attacked faith to suit their needs. But he does not deny that faith is an important part of how many Americans decide to vote.
Even if not our future president, I pray that Obama continues to inspire others and work for our country as a leader. I look forward to seeing the impact this man may have in years to come.
It's no secret to those around me that I support Barack Obama. I know he's still a politician (there's an inherent distrust)...but I am impressed by his words, intellegence, seemingly authentic personality. I don't know if he's most qualified compared to Clinton or McCain but if anything he has inspired me to be a better person. I certainly will base my vote in November on more than just "I like him" but the more I read about his views and hear his debates and speeches the more I respect him as an individual. "Audacity of Hope" a great book on so many social issues and a good introduction to some of his views and past involvements in politics and his community.
So this video was posted on another site and it affirmed at least why I like him--if not just as a presidental canidate but as a person. He's the kind of person I would like to sit down and have a converstation. (It's also no secret that this is not the way I feel about our current president). He does not deny his faith, nor shoves it down another's throat. I don't know his exact doctrine of faith but even if I disagreed he's someone that I think would listen and wrestle through the differences. There is a balance to his discussion about the good and bad of relgion and faith.
The video was a speech to Sojurners (a Christian organization that is committed to social changes like helping those in poverty) and specifically discussing the role of faith with in the context politics. The talk starts out a little slow but I agree with a lot of his view. Barak had some good thoughts on how politics (on both sides) have exploited and twisted and even attacked faith to suit their needs. But he does not deny that faith is an important part of how many Americans decide to vote.
Even if not our future president, I pray that Obama continues to inspire others and work for our country as a leader. I look forward to seeing the impact this man may have in years to come.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
breaking bread: white or whole grain?
Sitting down to share a meal can be a treasured experience. Sometimes like tonight it's at a restraunt with my brother and his wife. A Sunday afternoon at Chili's with friends. Stopping in at my parents for a free meal . Tuesday nights cooking with my friend Lindsay. Catching up with my high school friends--often when someone comes in from out of town (or out of country!). Saturday night, I sat down with a few friends for a wonderful meal from my friend Devon. The conversation was light but satisfying. There is something spiritual in sitting around a table investing in others lives whether it be a deep or casual converstation. Saturday night the discussion touched on roller coasters, the gym, horror movies and various other topics.
There wasn't a particular deep discussion but I was reminded of many of the meals that were part of the Jewish tradition, some that we may still discuss or participate in. The last supper Christ shared with his disciples was not just a random meal but part of a long tradition all of the men would have grown up--sharing the Passover meal that the Jews celebrated since their time in Egypt. Manners and traditions at meals are a facinating way to look at cultures around the world. I thought during the conversations around the table of how much meals were not just centered around nurishment for our physical bodies, but in so many cultures (if not most) the meal time also brought the social aspect to the table. A touchstone in connecting with others on a regular basis. And shared meals are often taken for granted in our busy, distracted culture. Families often sacrifice their time together around the table for more activities, work, or television missing out on their daily time to feed their relationships. In turn they often sacrifice their relationships while settling for quick (likely unhealthy) meals that satisfy less and less and leave our bodies just as empty as our hearts.
This past month has brought a big change in how I think about food. From an emotional need to eat (whether bored, happy, depressed...) to a need to provide a more balanced delivery of fuel to my body, I have learned healthier ways of taking in what is good for me. Part of this has been a struggle and part of this has meant some drastic changes to my eating habits. This weekend's meal was a reminder though to balance my changes to protect my good eating habits with the need for the social needs of communion with others. I don't have to sacrifice one to have the other. In the physical realm, I'm learning to find the better options and alternatives to the food I like. So intead of eliminating a food like bread I may learn to eat a bread with more natural nourishing ingredients. And while I may have to reduce nights out to restraunts, I don't want to eliminate all meals shared with friends and family. I may have altered the emotional need to eat, but it would be detrimental to my soul to ignore the emotional benefit of sharing meals with others.
There wasn't a particular deep discussion but I was reminded of many of the meals that were part of the Jewish tradition, some that we may still discuss or participate in. The last supper Christ shared with his disciples was not just a random meal but part of a long tradition all of the men would have grown up--sharing the Passover meal that the Jews celebrated since their time in Egypt. Manners and traditions at meals are a facinating way to look at cultures around the world. I thought during the conversations around the table of how much meals were not just centered around nurishment for our physical bodies, but in so many cultures (if not most) the meal time also brought the social aspect to the table. A touchstone in connecting with others on a regular basis. And shared meals are often taken for granted in our busy, distracted culture. Families often sacrifice their time together around the table for more activities, work, or television missing out on their daily time to feed their relationships. In turn they often sacrifice their relationships while settling for quick (likely unhealthy) meals that satisfy less and less and leave our bodies just as empty as our hearts.
This past month has brought a big change in how I think about food. From an emotional need to eat (whether bored, happy, depressed...) to a need to provide a more balanced delivery of fuel to my body, I have learned healthier ways of taking in what is good for me. Part of this has been a struggle and part of this has meant some drastic changes to my eating habits. This weekend's meal was a reminder though to balance my changes to protect my good eating habits with the need for the social needs of communion with others. I don't have to sacrifice one to have the other. In the physical realm, I'm learning to find the better options and alternatives to the food I like. So intead of eliminating a food like bread I may learn to eat a bread with more natural nourishing ingredients. And while I may have to reduce nights out to restraunts, I don't want to eliminate all meals shared with friends and family. I may have altered the emotional need to eat, but it would be detrimental to my soul to ignore the emotional benefit of sharing meals with others.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
40 before 40 list...with a few comments
I posted this on facebook earlier but this is a good place to repots this. so this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years...some may not happen, hopefully i'll i'm surpass. some of them are dependednt on other goals...we'll see what happens.
1 Lose weight to goal weight and maintain (physical health also helps mental/emotional/spiritual health...as well as time at the gym is good reflection time)
2 Go hang gliding (I want to fly)
3 read crime and punishment
4 swim with sharks
5 go to alaska
6 read paradise lost
7 pay off school debt
8 run a 10k and/or 1/2 marathon
9 go on a cruise
10 watch all 501 must-see movies ( from book) ...Will probably comment on them from time to time in this blog....
11 visit all 30 nhl arenas (only been at shark tank so far)...this will likely be the most difficulty to do in 10 years...so it may turn into a life long goal)
12 learn to swim laps
13 ride in a helicopter (again...flying)
14 go snowshoeing (maybe go with Kelly in Colorado this feb)
15 learn to play hockey
16 start a roth IRA
17 see the grand canyon
18 go on a weekend trip to catalina
19 sit on the glass at a sharks game
20 hike half dome
21 go white water rafting
22 take a photography class/seminar (another creative outlet...i'm not good but it would good to continue improving...something fun)
23 buy the "perfect" reading chair
24 go on a backpacking trip
25 plant a tree (take care of creation)
26 go a a wine tour (train) in Napa
27 take a cooking class
28 go to hawaii
29 try scuba diving (would conquer a fear of water i have...if my ears can take the pressure)
30 go on a road trip with no particular destination
31 go on a silent weekend retreat
32 go see the bears in alaska and/or canada
33 see the aurora borealis (northern lights)
34 learn how to shoot a gun
35 go to savannah georgia
36 learn how to do chin ups (started working on this one already:)
37 go kayaking
38 start an small aquarium
39 visit the new england in the fall
40 read war and peace
1 Lose weight to goal weight and maintain (physical health also helps mental/emotional/spiritual health...as well as time at the gym is good reflection time)
2 Go hang gliding (I want to fly)
3 read crime and punishment
4 swim with sharks
5 go to alaska
6 read paradise lost
7 pay off school debt
8 run a 10k and/or 1/2 marathon
9 go on a cruise
10 watch all 501 must-see movies ( from book) ...Will probably comment on them from time to time in this blog....
11 visit all 30 nhl arenas (only been at shark tank so far)...this will likely be the most difficulty to do in 10 years...so it may turn into a life long goal)
12 learn to swim laps
13 ride in a helicopter (again...flying)
14 go snowshoeing (maybe go with Kelly in Colorado this feb)
15 learn to play hockey
16 start a roth IRA
17 see the grand canyon
18 go on a weekend trip to catalina
19 sit on the glass at a sharks game
20 hike half dome
21 go white water rafting
22 take a photography class/seminar (another creative outlet...i'm not good but it would good to continue improving...something fun)
23 buy the "perfect" reading chair
24 go on a backpacking trip
25 plant a tree (take care of creation)
26 go a a wine tour (train) in Napa
27 take a cooking class
28 go to hawaii
29 try scuba diving (would conquer a fear of water i have...if my ears can take the pressure)
30 go on a road trip with no particular destination
31 go on a silent weekend retreat
32 go see the bears in alaska and/or canada
33 see the aurora borealis (northern lights)
34 learn how to shoot a gun
35 go to savannah georgia
36 learn how to do chin ups (started working on this one already:)
37 go kayaking
38 start an small aquarium
39 visit the new england in the fall
40 read war and peace
And there were so many fewer questions...
And there were so many fewer questions
When stars were still just the holes to heaven...
(Jack Johnson, "Holes to Heaven").
This phrase of the song seems to catch me every time. There is a mystery to life that is sometimes gets lost in our world. In the business, the science, religion, just day to day life. The last few years I've been learning to open my eyes to the little things in life that remind me that there is more to our world than just was we can see, taste, smell, hear, feel. But it's through our senses that we can experience these moments. Besides a big push to get myself in better physical shape, one of my desires this year is to find creative ways of expressing my faith and exploring the spiritual world--to find God beyond the walls of a church or confines of religion and hold on to the mystery and awe of who God is. I've been thinking of starting a blog for months now but made excuses to push it off. But the little things that keep coming into my head need to find an outlet.
Hopefully as I do this more, the format will look better and I'll find new ways of posting pictures and other mediums. For now, most of the blog will be thoughts on the things that inspire, provoke thought, make me feel something (anger, joy, wonder...). Likely people, conversations, animals (yes, my cat Thornton), nature, even a little hockey will probably be much of the inspiration. I hope that as I seek to take on more risks in my life that I will also take the risk to be more vunerable and open with this blog. I need a way to express all the things that go on inside my head. And my faith plays a role, good or bad, in daily life (both the big things and small).
"Holes to Heaven"....also reminds me of the sky. More specifically how the sky directs my thoughts to God's creation. While I will say I have a belief in evolution even if more in the broadest sense at times, I can not help being amazed at God's hand when I see the morning sky, the clouds that seem to paint daily pictures. Or stars (when their visible), or the rays of light that brighten a day. Sometimes it seems God sends his love each day on my way to work with a beautiful arrangement of clouds each morning. And while I have a grasp of the scientific explination of what clouds are and what they do, I cannot help but be in awe that they're actually there to begin with. On the way home from Tahoe this weekend, the clouds were almost unreal. I wanted to fly so I could reach into them. Those thoughts make it hard to believe that there isn't a God who exists and loves us beyond our imagination. I don't always understand Him or our world. But these thoughts are my way to see him beyond theology, a sermon, dogma or other ways that can often leave him cold, indifferent, at times non-existent. I find theology facinating. But I don't want to forget that as a human, what I see and understand is only a glimsp of who God is. So this blog will be a path to keep seeing bigger, opening my eyes and hearts and even starting new converstaions...
When stars were still just the holes to heaven...
(Jack Johnson, "Holes to Heaven").
This phrase of the song seems to catch me every time. There is a mystery to life that is sometimes gets lost in our world. In the business, the science, religion, just day to day life. The last few years I've been learning to open my eyes to the little things in life that remind me that there is more to our world than just was we can see, taste, smell, hear, feel. But it's through our senses that we can experience these moments. Besides a big push to get myself in better physical shape, one of my desires this year is to find creative ways of expressing my faith and exploring the spiritual world--to find God beyond the walls of a church or confines of religion and hold on to the mystery and awe of who God is. I've been thinking of starting a blog for months now but made excuses to push it off. But the little things that keep coming into my head need to find an outlet.
Hopefully as I do this more, the format will look better and I'll find new ways of posting pictures and other mediums. For now, most of the blog will be thoughts on the things that inspire, provoke thought, make me feel something (anger, joy, wonder...). Likely people, conversations, animals (yes, my cat Thornton), nature, even a little hockey will probably be much of the inspiration. I hope that as I seek to take on more risks in my life that I will also take the risk to be more vunerable and open with this blog. I need a way to express all the things that go on inside my head. And my faith plays a role, good or bad, in daily life (both the big things and small).
"Holes to Heaven"....also reminds me of the sky. More specifically how the sky directs my thoughts to God's creation. While I will say I have a belief in evolution even if more in the broadest sense at times, I can not help being amazed at God's hand when I see the morning sky, the clouds that seem to paint daily pictures. Or stars (when their visible), or the rays of light that brighten a day. Sometimes it seems God sends his love each day on my way to work with a beautiful arrangement of clouds each morning. And while I have a grasp of the scientific explination of what clouds are and what they do, I cannot help but be in awe that they're actually there to begin with. On the way home from Tahoe this weekend, the clouds were almost unreal. I wanted to fly so I could reach into them. Those thoughts make it hard to believe that there isn't a God who exists and loves us beyond our imagination. I don't always understand Him or our world. But these thoughts are my way to see him beyond theology, a sermon, dogma or other ways that can often leave him cold, indifferent, at times non-existent. I find theology facinating. But I don't want to forget that as a human, what I see and understand is only a glimsp of who God is. So this blog will be a path to keep seeing bigger, opening my eyes and hearts and even starting new converstaions...
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