I wonder... (musings after another prop 8 forward)

What if we looked at people more instead of "issues"? What if building up other PEOPLE versus fighting for a cause were the priority? What if I looked at myself and accepted that I'm not perfect but also loved...and then saw that other people were also different yet still worthy of love?

I've kept pretty quiet with most people on my views on Prop 8. There are some I can openly discuss it with, others I have not bothered to discuss it with. I've deleted many emails from each side (although to be open, usually I've deleted or been irritated by more numerous emails preaching for a law that I believe shouldn't be a government issue in the first place). But it bothers me...And I've asked why I don't like to fight for my point of view. Part of it is my own journey in figuring out what church, culture, the Bible, others have to say about it. Certainly with friendships and family, I've changed some of my views I grew up believing. I don't always know if my views have changed for the "right" reasons. I don't have all the answers. And people on both sides of the argument will have plenty of reasons why I should make up my mind one way or another. But if anything, I want to see past the issue and see the person. This is not a discussion about my theology on the issue. This is a discussion and confession of how we (I) treat others. Why do people's differences become more than who they are?

Let's leave out whether you think a difference is a sin or not and just question ourselves (again myself too!) about why we let a detail, a personality difference, color of skin, disability, disagreement or other "differences" get in the way of valuing other individuals? And how does our need to fight for our opinion make us lose sight of what is important.

This weekend I sat at women's retreat crying as I heard so many women share about their heart...because despite the differences in circumstances the hurt was universal. And not just with women, I could see that humans are all hurting. We all want to be loved, valued and worth something. But we build walls to protect our worlds, make values and rules for ourselves that often cut off rather than build up community. Pretty soon our differences become something we hold against each other. Then that difference becomes an issue. And issue that we have to vote on. An issue that we've spent millions on to make a law or fight about. And on either side we've forgotten that this should always be a discussion about people. (Many people remember this, but there is still a large percentage that leave people out of the discussion and just talk about values or causes).

I wonder what we could accomplish if we could have used the money to help people--particularly in these times when we are in the midst of wars, financial crisis, world AIDS or poverty crisis--and those causes need to be thought of in terms of the people involved as well. Not fight on the issue. If we had spent all the time figuring out how to love others, care for them, see our brokenness in each person and "fight" for bringing people together. Okay, some are saying this sounds like crazy liberal talk. I can admit I tend to agree on some issues on a more liberal side. I'm also a Christian which brings in all kinds of assumptions from both the church and those outside of who I should be, how I should vote, what my beliefs are. But why should that cause people to shut off listening to who I am as a person and what I bring in to the conversation.

Both sides of this "issue" have missed the point. I've missed the point. The violence and hate that each side has cause (mostly by the extreme) had divided us. We point fingers and say "look what they did, look how they spread their message with hate, look how they're wrong, look how much better I am than them". What would it look like if we cared enough to peacefully have the discussion. To have a conversation that we can love people even when we don't agree. What if the church encouraged people to look at themselves first, both individually and collectively--honestly? What difference would it look like if those for Prop 8 spent more time first loving others for who they were then discussing their beliefs? what if those against prop 8 did the same? What if prop 8 didn't even have to be an issue because we were finding ways to invest our time in emails, arguments, money, time in seeing how we can be a community--sharing our meals, our time, our talents, investing in others. yes, I am more harsh with the church because we should know better. We should be setting the example of how to love others. The church should be following better examples, fighting for loving and caring for others.

I can already here in my head what others would say. The arguments could be endless. I can't change someones point of view and personally I have other things than one law I'd rather fight for. But when it comes down to it, I always want to be asking myself "what is more important?" At the end of my day, at the end of my life, I want others to know I loved them. Not that I had a certain point of view, fought for a cause or an issue. That I loved. And that I was loved.